John Carpenter: Horror Master
I love John Carpenter because he brings grit to his horror films – and keeps the dark, well, dark. He also makes certain to mix in the suspense along with a sense of mystery, and he doesn’t spoon feed fans with information. That’s because he wants you to watch, listen, and engage. Finally, every film has a killer soundtrack that only adds to and even manipulates the atmosphere Carpenter creates.
But even a horror master has his clunkers. After all, it’s the mark of the creative beast and not all films can be winners.
John Carpenter Films: Worst to Best
Regardless, I’ve decided to list his films from worst to best for the fun of it. Of all his features, I have not seen Memoirs of an Invisible Man and I don’t plan to because I’m just not interested.
Enjoy…
18. Ghosts of Mars (2001) 1/2 star
This is an other-worldly mess of boredom and stupidity.
17. Vampires (1998) 1 star
A ridiculous formulaic fang fest loaded with stock characters.
16. The Ward (2010) 1 star
A Carpenter-free Carpenter movie that’s over-stylized and trope-laden.
15. Escape from L.A. (1996) 1 star
No doubt, this one has a cool cast, but they inhabit a silly and annoying story.
14. Village of the Damned (1995) 1 star
This remake has no chills and is as forgettable as a bad soap opera.
13. Dark Star (1974) 1.5 stars
Such a bad sci-fi/horror it’s amusing. If only Carpenter and O’Bannon had a bigger budget. If only…
12. Halloween (1978) 1.5 stars
Over-rated and dull “classic” with a weak story, but there’s great music and cinematography.
11. Body Bags (1993) 1.5 stars
This television special got too silly too fast. Wasted potential on what could have been a great anthology.
10. Starman (1984) 2 stars
A romance/sci-fi/adventure dragged down by sentimentality. Since when don’t hunters gut deer after the kill?
9. Christine (1983) 2.5 stars
This ride has its moments, but it’s ultimately lackluster and stuck in neutral like most Stephen King stories.
8. They Live (1988) 3.5 stars
The creepiest aliens of all time! However, the story drags in spots, including a six-minute fight scene.
7. Escape from New York (1981) 3.5 stars
It’s a cool, futuristic mis-adventure, but why was the cassette necessary? Snake Plissken for President!
6. In the Mouth of Madness (1995) 3.5 stars
Sam Neill rocked his role! Yet the story could have been tighter and even more bizarre.
5. Assault on Precinct 13 (1976) 3.5 stars
A gritty siege film with a ton of suspense and a lot of darkness. Who wants ice cream?!
4. The Fog (1980) 3.5 stars
A cool story and creepy atmosphere, like a slasher with purpose.
3. The Prince of Darkness (1988) 4 stars
A unique horror full of intrigue as science and religion unite. What a gasp-worthy finish!
2. Big Trouble in Little China (1986) 5 stars
Jack Burton says it’s brilliant fun, action-packed, and incredibly quotable!
1. The Thing (1982) 5 stars
A suspenseful sci-fi horror loaded with mystery, hopelessness, and a heavy atmosphere with a killer cast!
The Plot Sickens: Halloween is never over! Check out the Halloween Watch List from Crash!
Billy Crash
Also known as William D. Prystauk, he loves great, in-depth characters and storytelling in horror, and likes to see heads roll, but if you kill a dog on screen he’ll cry like a baby. Crash, an award-winning screenwriter and novelist, co-hosts THE LAST KNOCK horror podcast on iTunes, and can also be found on Twitter, LinkedIn, IMDb, Amazon, Behance, YouTube, and Instagram. He’s currently in pre-production on a dramatic thriller feature while working on the fourth novel in his #KinkNoir crime thriller series.
Get your Crash Palace and The Last Knock gear!
THE LAST KNOCK horror podcast is a Crash Palace Productions’ featured show. Besides this site, you can find THE LAST KNOCK on iTunes with new shows posted every other Sunday at 9 PM ET.
Crash Palace Productions website design and creation from Brian Yount Digital Enterprises with banner and THE LAST KNOCK art from Palko Designs. Logo designs from Paul Belci.
(John Carpenter photo from The Guardian.)