We’re Not Here to Fuck Spiders by Susan Leighton


We're Not Here to Fuck Spiders

When Found Footage Gets Real: The Visceral Appeal of We’re Not Here to Fuck Spiders

“Found Noir” is the description that has been given to Australian filmmaker, Josh Reed’s latest effort, We’re Not Here to Fuck Spiders. The director knows his way around a horror film having helmed the 2010 production, Primal which cemented his relationship with actor Lindsay Farris.
 
Farris is the star of We’re Not Here to Fuck Spiders and for fans of Ash vs Evil Dead he played Dalton, one of the Knights of Sumeria in the last season of the STARZ series. While he portrayed a noble character on the Bruce Campbell show, he is almost unrecognizable as the “ice” overlord, Anton Berger.
 
This guy is not someone that you want to mess around with. He’s the kind of cat that you don’t want to cross or end up with in a dark alley.
 
The title of the film is a dead giveaway as to the manic nature of Reed’s work. Aussie slang for “not here to fuck around,” from the minute the trailer starts, viewers get a sense of impending doom. Whatever goes down isn’t going to be pretty.
 

Crack House

If you have ever spent time in an urban area, there are certain places where one doesn’t go at night. Usually, crack houses are pretty easy to spot because there is quite a bit of skanky traffic going in and out at all hours of the day and the premises are usually boarded up and less than desirable.
 
In the case of Anton’s den, he is in the middle of South Sydney, in the suburbs to be exact. The place is literally a shamble and you can almost feel the cockroaches and other vermin that must propagate the abode scurrying around. Not to mention the “residents” are definitely not the best that society has to offer.
 
Anton’s girl, Effs (Stephanie King) and his crew consisting of Pincer (Anthony Tuafa), Bezza (Stef Smith) and Ahmed (Fayssal Bazzi) hang out, cook meth and concoct nefarious schemes like a home invasion. This is Alex DeLarge and his Droogs in 2018. Violence and mayhem abound.
 
Throw into the mix a corrupt law enforcement officer, Detective Sgt. Godfrey (John Cordukes) who is helping Anton and his thugs get ready to “hit” someone’s house.
 
While it seems like they have their ducks in a row they really don’t because there is about to be a cog in the machinery. Jimmy (Max Brown) who lives across the street has plans of his own. He intends to blackmail Anton for a piece of the action.
 

Getting it on Tape

Jimmy manages to sneak in and install cameras in every room that capture all of the comings, goings and craziness that permeates the walls of the dilapidated house. The footage is then mysteriously uploaded to the internet so everyone can see the scary consequences that ensue when all hell breaks loose.
 
What makes Reed’s ambitious We’re Not Here to Fuck Spiders interesting is the controlled chaos of the shoot. As you can see in the Vimeo trailer, much like CCTV or surveillance footage, the action is captured in grids and with multiple camera set-ups.
 
Lindsay Farris fans, you have been warned. His inner maniac has been unleashed. The trailer teases the intensity of Anton and ends on a rather disturbing note which will definitely appeal to hardcore horror fans.
 
As of yet, according to Farris, stay tuned for a release date. Josh Reed and Known Associates are working on sales and film festivals. Judging from the promo, it will be worth the wait for this “Found Noir” feature.

 

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Crash Analysis Support Team

Susan Leighton

Susan Leighton

Susan Leighton has written for many entertainment sites in the past. Currently, her ramblings or rants (depending on the subject matter) can be found at Crash Palace, Diabolique and Grumpire. You can read her thoughts on I LOVE LUCY, DESIGNING WOMEN, MAMA’S FAMILY, GROWING PAINS and PUNKY BREWSTER in Lee Gambin’s compilation of classic sitcoms from the 1950’s through the 1980’s, TONIGHT, ON A VERY SPECIAL EPISODE which is available for pre-order through BearManor Media and Amazon NOW.

 

 

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(We’re Not Here to Fuck Spiders movie art from Known Associates.)


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