Month: February 2012

  • Crash Analysis: THE LODGE (2008)

    Dumb  Bad vacation choice for a couple at a lodge who face off against a killer. Cliché ridden and hackneyed, we’ve seen this story one time too many. Worst still, we see the same lame story elements that have made audiences groan in utter dismay for decades. For example, you get a jump on the…

  • Crash Analysis: PIRANHA (2010)

    A mixed bag of chum Prehistoric piranhas unleashed into an Arizona lake and feast on swimmers. Wow. This is a tongue in cheek horror/comedy loaded with unintelligence, impossibilities and insconsistent special effects. Originally shot in 3D – the latest Hollywood gimmick – the movie’s teeth infested fish simply look pathetic and are distracting in their…

  • Crash Analysis: VAN HELSING (2004 USA/Czech Republic)

    Van Horrible The doctor takes on Dracula – and every classic monstosity known to horror. Yikes! What a bombastic, over-the-top, third rate CGI fantasy ride. I’m not sure what Jackman and Beckinsale thought they had signed up for, but when they sat back and watched the film, after all the “special defects” had been worked…

  • Crash Analysis: THE HOWLING (1981)

    Over-rated and Far too Silly Werewolves need rehab too.                   For some reason, this flick has a multitude of devotees – and that’s perfectly fine. If you love horror and werewolves, definitely check it out. Unfortunately, there was far too much tongue-in-cheekiness for me – and absolutely…

  • Crash Analysis: I CAN SEE YOU (2008)

    Abysmal A photoshoot in the woods leads to surreality. As with any movie, the number one element has to be story above all else. Sadly, I CAN SEE YOU just didn’t have it. What little story there was did nothing to excite the senses. Furthermore, the narrative as well as one too many scenes were…